Crazy Is As Crazy Does
by The Next Hermione Granger
Summary: OK Hermione Granger 7th year Head Girl, of course Malfoy is Head boy. She has a laptop... and everything that happens gets written no matter how crazy it is. T for Language.
1. Back To Hogwarts Again

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot!**

**A/N: This was started pre-HBP so only up to the fifth book has references... the sixth book was just to depressing to work into this story... so it isnt mentioned and of course I am in denial.**

**Aug. 31, 9:30am Home**

I like when I can type about nothing in perticular because it is so much more interesting to see what it comes out to being. By the way my name is Hermione Granger. If you are a pureblood computer which makes me wonder if that is possible, you would hate to find out that you are at the finger tips of Harry Potter's best friend and a muggle born witch. Today is August 31 and tomorrow I will be going back for my 7th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Oh and did I mention that I am Head Girl? Well I am. I just wonder who the Head Boy will be... I hope it isnt a Slytherin that would be HORRIBLE! But hey I'm not a Seer like the old fraud Trelawney now am I? Want to know something? This isnt and option. VOLDEMORT IS GONE! Oh yeah thats right he is gone!Whoop! Whoop!

Sigh I have to go finish packing. I will write more tomorrow on the Train.

-Hermione

**Sept. 1, 10:00am Train Station**

Your probably thinking how does a laptop computer work in the wizardring world? Well I'll tell you I bewitched my computer yay! That means I can use it and to anyone else it looks like a book. Aren't I just ssooooo smart? Yes of course I am. HAHAHAHA

Anyway since I am an hour early for the train Harry and Ron are not here yet what else is new? Who is here though... Malfoy stupid Malfoy thats who's here grr-ness on him. Oh no oh no oh no bad bad bad bad bad he has a Head Boy badge! Malfoy is Head Boy! I'm going to be stuck with him all year.

Crap he is coming over here!

"Mudblood"

"What do you want ferret boy?" I say trying to sound confident though not really sure I do.

"Just wondering how your summer was and how you got Head Girl."

"My summer was fine and I got Head Girl because I earned it, you on the other hand I have no idea how you got to be Head Boy."Uh oh that touched a nerve he looks like he is going to hit me.

"Oi! Malfoy leave her alone!" Yay Harry and Ron are here.

Since Malfoy turned to see who was yelling I had time to grab my wand. Just as he was turning around I said,"Petrificus Totalus"and he hit the ground, straight as a board with a loud thump.

"Harry, Ron!"I ran over to them a gave them both giant hugs. I haven't seen them since June so I really missed them. They both looked like they worked out over the summer, if I didn't love them like brothers I would probably have huge crushes on them.

"Hi Mione," Ron said.

"How are you? Did Malfoy give you any trouble?" Harry asked. It's great knowing that you have two guys behind you to defend you if your in trouble. Especially if you are going to get clobbered by a Mountain Troll sigh good times.

"Nope not really." Grr there's the whistle we have to get on the train. I'll write more after, maybe in the Heads Compartment.

-Hermione

**Same Day 1:45 pm The Hogwarts Express**

I was sitting with my friends but then I had to come to this stupid Head's meeting. So now I am stuck in the Head's compartment waiting for Malfoy and the prefects. Grr on all these people for being late. Oh ya I forgot to mention that I did eventually un-hex-ify Malfoy. I hope everyone gets here soon cause I want to go back to my friends.

"Mudblood," why did Malfoy have to be the first person to turn up? I swear he is going to drive me insne then when I get to the mental hospital and they ask who is checking me in I just have to say myself.

"Hello Malfoy,"I said coldly.

"Not very friendly today are you Granger?"

"Oh and like you ever are?"

"Yes, but of course never to you."

Well that's Malfoy for ya. Nothing new. He still hasn't got over those childish ways. But seriously what do you expect? Thankfully the Prefects just showed up.

"Hello my name is Hermione Granger, Head Girl."

"I'm Draco Malfoy, Head Boy.'

"Welcome to all of you, umm I guess all I have to say is your duties are to patrol corridors, keep order in your house etc. These are the passwords to your common rooms." Then I just handed out the stupid envelopes... I just wanted to get back to my friends, meaning: Harry, Ron and Ginny.

I walked out of the compartment and went to rejoin my friends... Harry and Ron were talking about quidditch and Ginny was reading a Teen Witch Weekly magazine.

When I walked in I posed a question that came into my head as I was talking to Malfoy, "Does anyone know if Malfoy can talk in a voice other than a drawl?" At this Ginny burst out laughing.

"Wow 'Mione I dont know what happened to you over the summer but I'm glad it happened!" Ginny is great I dont know what I would have done without her. Probly have to check myself into St.Mungo's cause Harry and Ron drove me to insanity.

"Want to know something Gin? I'm glad to," and at that I joined her in her laughing hysteria. Harry and Ron were looking at us as if we had sprouted extra heads which made us laugh even harder.

I am going to just hang around with my friends. I'll write more when I get to Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, later days.

-Hermione

**Finally at Hogwarts 6:30 pm**

Yay! Hogwarts is still here! But of course it is still here, why wouldn't it be, eh?

Anways the sorting ceremony has begun... and as always we have to wait a million bazillion years for announcements. Hmm... the sorting is over but the choir is going up to the front. I wonder whats up.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts everyone! We are going to try something different this year for announcements! We will be starting with a new song that many have heard at various summer camps!" said Dumbledore. He flicked his wand and crazy strange music started and words appeared out of thin air. Amazingly enough everyone started singing! Scary I know!

_Announcements! Announcements! Announcements!_

_What a horrible way to die! What a horrible way to die!_

_What a horrible way to talk to death! What a horrible way to die!_

_Announcements! Announcements! Announcements!_

_Spaghetti! Spaghetti! Spaghetti!_

_Macoroni! Macoroni! Macoroni!_

_Baloney! Baloney! Bloney!_

_Here comes Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail_

_Hippity hoppity Easters on its way! Ohhh!_

_Happy Anniversary! Happy Anniversary!_

_Happy Anniversary! Happy Anniversary!_

_Happy happy happy happy happy anniversary!_

_Happy happy happy happy happy anniversary!_

_Ohh we wish you a merry Christmas!_

_We wish you a merry Chiristmas!_

_we wish you a merry christmas and happy new year!_

_We sold our cow! Mooooo!_

_We sold our cow! MOOOOO!_

_We have no use for your bull now!_

_For your bull now!_

_Announcements! Announcements! Announcements!_

After the music stopped everyone in the hall burst out laughing! My goodness Hogwarts has lost their marbles! The problem is I dont know if it is a good or bad thing! HAHAHAHAHAHA

"Okay so now that that is over with... I would like to announce this years Head Boy and Head Girl: Mr.Draco Malfoy and Miss Hermione Granger!" All of Gryffindor and Slytherin were cheering. I looked over at Draco and his face was tinted pink! Hahah he is embarassed I never thought I would see the day when Draco was embarassed! Wait I just called him Draco ahhhh BAD MIND! BAD HEAD! BAD BRAIN! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD! Gross!

After my little grossness spasm I returned to listening to Dumbledore. Lets see he is saying, "The announcements are the same: the Forbidden Forest is well forbidden, anything on Mr. Filch's list is banned which I think has come to about 769 items, I think that is all, oh nope I'm mistaken my last announcement you new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is Professor Slukynsky (A/N: Slu-kin-ski). And now we can start our amazing feast." At that moment our plates filled and as always Ron started shovelling as much food in his mouth as possible. Seriously I don't know why he doesn't choke.

"So, what do you guys think of the new teacher?" Ginny asked.

"She looks nice but I think I'm going to practise her name before I actually use it," I replied.

"Miss Granger could you come with me please?" Professor McGonagall asked from behind me.

"Sure, later days," I said to my friends as I got up from the table.

We walked over to the Slytherin table to get Malfoy. Then Professor McGonagall led us up to a painting of myself and Malfoy. I was quite disgusted because we were SNOGGING!

Professor McGonagall started to chuckle at the look of disgust that was etched on our faces. "Oh yes I forgot Miss Granger, you are getting off with a warning for hexing Mr. Malfoy if it had been at school you probably would have gotten a detention."

"Thank you Professor," I said relieved but shock from the painting could be heard in my voice.

"I will leave you two to decided on a password, and I will see you in classes on Monday," McGonagall said, it was Friday so they had 2 free days before classes began.

"So Ferret what should our password be?" I asked.

"How about Mudblood, Mudblood," he replied.

"You are really pathetic, you need better insults, and no for the password idea, how about 'Constant Enemies'?"

"Sounds right because that is what we are," he said with a smirk evident on his face.

We said the password and went in. The common room was gorgeous and my room was gorgeous too.

"Well I'm going to bed, see you in the morning Malfoy," I said trying to be civil.

"Fuck you Granger," he said as he walked towards the bookshelf.

'This is going to be a long year,' I thought.

- Hermione

**A/N: Well yay for first chapters and annoying, corny, camp songs!**

**Read & Review Please!**

**Just A Hermione At Heart**


	2. Cool Beanz

**A/N: Thanks for all the AWESOME reviews. And ya I am Canadian for those who asked. And I got "Later Days" from The Weekenders lol. Oh and if you like this story check my other story that me and my friend Allanna wrote, "Canadian Exchange." Well on to the next Chapter.**

**Sept. 2nd, 9:30 a.m.**

Ya I know it is early for a Saturday but seriously it is hard to sleep when you know that like right beside you in the next room is your mortal enemy for the past six years and still is. Anyway here is my crazy mental news of what has already happened this morning:

I woke up a 8 o'clock, don't start about what time I get up, and I went into the bathroom which I now know I have to share will the bloody Ferret. How I found this out was extremely disturbing. As I walked in I saw Malfoy by the sink combing his hair, and here is the scary part he was only wearing a towel around his waist.

"Oh my poor eyes they have been scarred for life!" I screamed. Malfoy turned around and saw me standing there with my hands clamped over my eyes.

"You know you like it," he said with arrogance in his voice.

I suddenly opened my eyes, "And why Ferret would I want to see you like this seriously?"

"Because no girl can resist a Malfoy," he said in a rude tone with a smirk on his face.

"In your dreams Malfoy, and only in your dreams," I retorted and stormed out of the bathroom. He was rather hot... EWWWW I just disgusted myself. How could I think that? Maybe I'm sick, and should go see Madam Pompfry.

Or I could go see Ron and Harry, that would be a good idea.

As I walked into the Gryffindor Common room I noticed that there was only one person there, Ginny. Cool beanz now I can tell her about my absolutely horrifying experience without Harry and Ron here and having them run out of the common room and kill Malfoy That would be pretty funny though. But I think detention wouldn't cut it and Harry and Ron would be out of Hogwarts before you could say Quidditch.

"Hey Gin."

"Oh hey 'Mione, whats up? I figured you would still be asleep like everyone else."

"No such chance." Hey what is she writng? Oh it's a journal interesting. I wonder if she still likes Harry? I definetly won't be surprised if she does. "Ginny do you want to go wake up Harry and Ron?"

"Are you completely insane? They will kill you if you wake them up!"

"No they won't 'cause they know that I could curse them into oblivion." I chuckled and Ginny started to laugh. "Let's go, it will be fun!"

"But what if they are all in like boxers or something... seriously I do not need to see my brother like that it would just be strange, and disgusting."

"Then I suggest we wake them up and run like hell, how does that sound?"

"Ok lets do this thing!"

We walked up the boys staircase as quietly as we could then we heard a door open behind us, there was a first year just sticking his head out of the door, "What are you doing here?"

"We aren't here, we are your dream," Ginny said quickly using her imagination.

"Yes, you should just go back in to your dormitory and sleep," I added catching on to the plan.

The kid just shrugged his shoulders and went back inside. It was really hard to not start full out laughing but we some how managed it. We kept walking until we got to the 7th year boys dorm, we snuck in and walked to the centre of the room. Looking around it was crazy to see them all look so peaceful... not loud and abnoxious like they normally are.

"OK so what's the plan?" Ginny whispered.

"I suggest we scream bloody murder like there is no tomorrow and see how they react," I laughed.

"Sounds good to me so on three, 1, 2, 3!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" we screamed so loud I bet we woke up the whole of Gryffindor House but by then it was already 10 o'clock so they had to get up anyway.

"What the bloody hell was that?" we heard Ron say.

"Who the fuck yells that loud this early in the a.m.?" Seamus screamed.

"Uh oh I think we better run," Ginny said but before we could even take a step the door slammed shut and the lock clicked.

"Shit," was all I could say. The curtains on the boys four-poster beds all opened showing 5 extremely angry faces. They quietly got up and walked around, forming a circle around me and Ginny. Ginny was frightened you could tell, she was quivering like crazy.

Then like a blast of a cannon all we heard was,"Rictusempra!" and we were on the floor laughing like maniacs.

"Damn all of you for casting the spell at the same time!" I yelled laughing loudly.

"Hermione you are so going to pay for getting me into this!" Ginny screamed while laughing as or if not more than I was.

"OK so it was all Hermione's idea?" Harry and Ron asked.

"Yes," I admitted laughing still not sble to stop.

"Fine," then the spell was taken off of us and we just stayed on the floor panting for air from so much laughing.

Well that is all I have time for writing now it is time for breakfast and then I have a Head's meeting with Dumbledore and of course the Amazing Bouncing Ferret.

-Hermione

**Sept. 2, 1:30 pm**

I cannot believe Dumbledore sometimes. He is great and all but seriously I think he has lost his marbles. He told us in the meeting today that we have to plan a Halloween Ball. A Ball of all things! What do I know about Balls and dances and all the stuff surrounding it? I am a bookworm for goodness gracious greases granny's sake!

This is so pathetic. Who am I going to go with? It isn't till October but still GRRRNESS!

I am just glad I don't have any homework, yet. Key word there YET. This year is certainly going to be murder.

I think I have an idea now that will make things more intersting. Since being called a Mudblood doesn't bother me anymore... what if I count all the times a day he calls me that? It will be crazy finding out how lame he is at insults.

Today's Mudblood Count : 13 thats all there is folks there is no more.

I need to go to the library so I will write wait scratch that type more later.

See you on the flip side.

- Hermione

**A/N: OK people reviews of course are welcome... I need more ideas though. And I need some thought about other ways Hermione can sign off in her entry's not just "later days" and "see you on the flip side" please help!**

**Just A Hermione At Heart**


End file.
